In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Redeem this text for a blowjob
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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