I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
