Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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