HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
