I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
