I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
