so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
