Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
