sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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