I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Panties = found
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
