If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
