His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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