he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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