Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
