i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
