if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize