You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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