he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
