On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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