I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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