FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
