I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
