I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
