Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
