Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
