I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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