Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
