And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
