my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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