I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Congratulations! We have a period
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