Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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