I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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