We're facebook friends in real life
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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