I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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