Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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