I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
