I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
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Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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