i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
