Hey man sorry I got all grabby
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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