he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
