This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
