On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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