We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The best revenge is premature balding
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
