We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
