All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
