At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
