I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
