Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
