Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
