Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
