Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
