I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
