it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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