I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she told me i tasted like america
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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