So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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