First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
