I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
