I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
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i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He did a backflip because drugs
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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