just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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