I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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