We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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