I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
