tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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