i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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