help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
no you cant smoke seaweed
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's rum buckets o'clock
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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