If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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