you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
