glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
