Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
