i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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