Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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