I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
