Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
