Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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