I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
