I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
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